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Anal, from first steps to advanced: a beginner's guide

Anal play is more common than people think, and it starts with fingers and patience, not sex.

In the quiz

• Anal play with fingers or toys
• Wearing a butt plug
• Anal sex
• Wearing a plug in public
• Large toys and stretching
• Fisting

How to start

1. Start with outside touch and plenty of lube.
2. Use a finger or a small toy made for anal, with a flared base.
3. Breathe out, relax and go slowly.
4. Work up to a small plug before anything bigger.

How to keep it safe

• Use lots of lube. The anus doesn’t make its own.
• Never go from anal to vaginal without washing or changing the condom.
• Pain means slow down or stop.
• Large toys and fisting take weeks of gradual training, gloves and patience.

What you need

• Starter: a thick water-based lube and a small silicone plug with a flared base.
• Upgrade: a plug set in graduated sizes.

Ideas to try

• Wear a small plug during foreplay.
• Combine it with oral or a vibrator.

Is your partner into it too?

Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see anal, from first steps to advanced in your results if you both said some kind of yes.

Take the quiz

Sources

• McBride & Fortenberry (2010). Heterosexual anal sexuality and anal sex behaviors: A review. Journal of Sex Research.
• Herbenick et al. (2017). Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLOS ONE.

Related guides

• Oral

  Taking your time with your mouth. Receiving more oral sex is linked to more orgasms for women in large surveys.

• Lingerie and dressing up

  Something picked to be seen and then taken off. Lingerie, heels, leather or latex change how you feel as much as how you look.

• Foot play

  Feet are the most common body-part fetish. For some it’s massage and attention; for others it’s the main event.

• Body worship

  Slow, devoted attention to every part of someone. It’s about feeling adored.

Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.