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Beginner guides

Short, practical guides to everything in the quiz: what it is, how to start, how to keep it safe, and what you need. Each one lists its sources.

Slow & close

Full-body massage
The easiest way to slow down and get comfortable touching each other with no pressure. It works on its own or as a long warm-up.
Slow nights and closeness
Hours instead of minutes. Long make-outs, showers together, eye contact and very slow sex are about closeness more than technique.
Quickies and scheduling
Short, spontaneous sex fits busy lives, and scheduling it makes sure it actually happens.

Dirty talk
Saying what you want, what you’re doing or what you’re about to do. For a lot of couples it’s the fastest, cheapest way to turn things up.
Sexting, calls and photos
Building anticipation while you’re apart with texts, calls or photos. It’s how a lot of couples keep things going through busy weeks and work trips.
Sharing fantasies
Telling each other what you think about, whether or not you’d ever do it. Talking about a fantasy is its own kind of sex, and it’s usually where trying things starts.
Degradation and humiliation
Words and treatment that would be insults anywhere else, used as a turn-on. It’s often about letting go of having to be good.
Praise
Telling your partner how good they’re being. It’s simple and works on almost everyone.

Role-play
Playing characters for the night: strangers at a bar, a job interview, a doctor’s visit. New roles let you both act in ways you normally wouldn’t.
Consensual non-consent
A scene where resistance is part of a script you both agreed to. Fantasies about it are very common, and acting them out takes more negotiation than anything else here.
Sleep play
Touch and sex around sleep, from pretend-sleep role-play to waking up to sex. Fully asleep is the far end, and the one with real limits.

Taking charge and power exchange
One of you makes the decisions and the other follows. It can last one night or carry into daily life, and many people find following the most freeing role.
Orgasm control and denial
One of you decides when, or whether, the other gets to finish. The build-up is the point, and many people say the eventual orgasm hits much harder.
Orgasm overload
The opposite of denial: more orgasms than anyone asked for. It ranges from going for a second round to being held down with a vibrator well past comfort.

Restraint basics
Being held down or tied up so you can’t do anything but receive. It’s one of the most common kinks, and you can start with hands alone.
Rope bondage
Rope bondage, often called shibari, is as much about the process and the look as the restraint. Tying can feel meditative for both people.

Rough sex
Harder, more physical sex: grabbing, pushing, pinning, wrestling. It’s common, and plenty of people want it without wanting pain.
Spanking
From playful swats to a sting that lasts for days. Spanking is one of the most commonly tried kinks, and it’s easy to scale up or down.
Hair pulling
A firm handful of hair can feel possessive and intense without much pain, when it’s done right.
Biting, scratching and marks
Teeth, nails and the marks they leave. For some people the mark the next day is the best part.
Floggers and crops
Floggers and crops spread or focus sensation in ways a hand can’t. Thuddy feels like a deep massage. Stingy feels sharp.
Pain play
Pain that turns you on, not pain you put up with. Many people describe a floaty, euphoric state afterward.

Blindfolds and sensory play
Taking away sight makes every touch a surprise. Add earplugs or headphones and all that’s left is feeling.
Temperature, wax and edge sensation
Hot and cold on skin wake everything up. Ice, a warm mouth, chilled toys and warm wax all play with contrast. Electrical and fire play are the far end.

Oral
Taking your time with your mouth. Receiving more oral sex is linked to more orgasms for women in large surveys.
Lingerie and dressing up
Something picked to be seen and then taken off. Lingerie, heels, leather or latex change how you feel as much as how you look.
Anal, from first steps to advanced
Anal play is more common than people think, and it starts with fingers and patience, not sex.
Foot play
Feet are the most common body-part fetish. For some it’s massage and attention; for others it’s the main event.
Body worship
Slow, devoted attention to every part of someone. It’s about feeling adored.
Watching: each other, mirrors and porn
Watching each other, yourselves in a mirror, or porn together. Seeing can be as hot as touching.

Vibrators and toys
Toys add to sex instead of replacing anything. Plenty of couples use them together, and shopping for them together is half the fun.
Remote-control toys
A wearable toy someone else controls, from the next room, across the dinner table, or from another state.
Photos and video for the two of you
Recording yourselves just for you. Many couples find watching it back exciting.

Sharing online
Sharing photos or video with strangers, anonymous or not. It’s the far end of the photo ladder, and the hardest to take back.
The risk of getting caught
Sex where you might get caught. The risk is the thrill, and it’s one of the most common fantasies around.
Being seen and shown off
Being looked at: a revealing outfit, curtains open, or an audience at a party where everyone has agreed to watch.
Lifestyle clubs
Lifestyle and swingers clubs are social spaces with rules. Many couples go just to look around and never play.
Flirting and kissing others
Enjoying attention from someone else, together. It’s a small step that tells you a lot about how jealousy shows up for each of you.

Threesomes
Adding one more person. It’s the most common sexual fantasy, and far fewer people do it, so talk it through carefully.
Swapping and opening up
Swapping partners with another couple, or opening the relationship under rules you agree on. More people have tried it than you’d guess.
Hotwife and stag
One partner plays with others while the other watches or hears about it, with pride rather than humiliation. Often called hotwife and stag, or hothusband and vixen.
Cuckolding
Like hotwifing, but with teasing or humiliation for the partner who watches. It’s a far more common fantasy than people admit.

Ownership and collars
Belonging to someone, and claiming them. A collar or a discreet necklace makes it something you can wear.
Pet play
One of you takes on a pet role: kitten, puppy, eager to please. It’s often more playful and affectionate than sexual.
Primal play
Instinct over technique: chasing, wrestling, growling, biting. For some people it’s the most freeing kind of play.
Brats and brat taming
One of you pushes back on purpose so the other has to make them behave. It’s playful defiance, and many couples trade roles.

Safewords and limits
A word that stops everything, no questions. It makes it easier to try things, because stopping is always one word away.
Aftercare
Looking after each other after sex or a scene: cuddling, water, a snack, reassurance. Research has found partners feel closer after scenes that go well.
Trying new things together
Doing new things together helps keep desire alive in long relationships, in and out of bed.

The quiz shows only what you and your partner both said yes to, then links each match to its guide.