Impact & pain
Hair pulling: a beginner's guide
A firm handful of hair can feel possessive and intense without much pain, when it’s done right.
In the quiz
- Hair pulling
How to start
- Slide your fingers into the hair at the base of the scalp, close to the head.
- Close your fist slowly, then pull gently and steadily.
- Use it to guide their head, not to yank.
How to keep it safe
- Never pull from the ends. That’s what hurts and damages hair.
- Be careful with extensions, braids and neck strain.
- Ask how hard. People vary a lot.
What you need
- Nothing needed.
Ideas to try
- Pair it with being pinned from behind.
- Use it to guide them during oral.
Is your partner into it too?
Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see hair pulling in your results if you both said some kind of yes.
Sources
- Joyal, Cossette & Lapierre (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy? Journal of Sexual Medicine.
- Dunkley & Brotto (2020). The role of consent in the context of BDSM. Sexual Abuse.
Related guides
- Rough sex
Harder, more physical sex: grabbing, pushing, pinning, wrestling. It’s common, and plenty of people want it without wanting pain.
- Spanking
From playful swats to a sting that lasts for days. Spanking is one of the most commonly tried kinks, and it’s easy to scale up or down.
- Biting, scratching and marks
Teeth, nails and the marks they leave. For some people the mark the next day is the best part.
- Floggers and crops
Floggers and crops spread or focus sensation in ways a hand can’t. Thuddy feels like a deep massage. Stingy feels sharp.
Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.