Impact & pain
Rough sex: a beginner's guide
Harder, more physical sex: grabbing, pushing, pinning, wrestling. It’s common, and plenty of people want it without wanting pain.
In the quiz
- Rough sex
- Wrestling for who’s on top
How to start
- Talk about what rough means to each of you. It varies a lot.
- Start with pace and grip, not hitting.
- Pin wrists, grab hips, push them onto the bed.
- Check in afterward, not just during.
How to keep it safe
- Hands off the neck. Choking carries a real risk of brain injury even when done carefully.
- Agree on a safeword, since “stop” might be part of the play.
- Watch knees, elbows and headboards.
What you need
- Starter: nothing.
- Upgrade: a firm mattress or a floor mat.
Ideas to try
- A wrestling match where the winner calls the shots.
- Start rough and end slow.
Is your partner into it too?
Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see rough sex in your results if you both said some kind of yes.
Sources
- Herbenick et al. (2017). Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLOS ONE.
- Dunkley & Brotto (2020). The role of consent in the context of BDSM. Sexual Abuse.
Related guides
- Spanking
From playful swats to a sting that lasts for days. Spanking is one of the most commonly tried kinks, and it’s easy to scale up or down.
- Hair pulling
A firm handful of hair can feel possessive and intense without much pain, when it’s done right.
- Biting, scratching and marks
Teeth, nails and the marks they leave. For some people the mark the next day is the best part.
- Floggers and crops
Floggers and crops spread or focus sensation in ways a hand can’t. Thuddy feels like a deep massage. Stingy feels sharp.
Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.