Adding someone
Threesomes: a beginner's guide
Adding one more person. It’s the most common sexual fantasy, and far fewer people do it, so talk it through carefully.
In the quiz
- Threesome with another man
- Threesome with another woman
- Choosing who joins
- Same-sex play in a threesome
- Being shared by several people in a row
How to start
- Agree on rules first: who touches whom, what’s off limits, condoms, whether they stay the night.
- Decide who chooses the third, or whether you choose together.
- Try it as dirty talk during sex for a while first.
- Meet the person somewhere public before anything happens.
How to keep it safe
- Either partner can call it off, before or during, without explaining.
- STI testing for everyone.
- Expect some jealousy and plan to talk the next day.
What you need
- Starter: condoms.
- Upgrade: a dating app built for couples.
Ideas to try
- A third who only watches, the first time.
- Fantasy talk only, for a few weeks, before deciding.
Is your partner into it too?
Take the quiz on your own phones. You'll only see threesomes in your results if you both said some kind of yes.
Sources
- Lehmiller, J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire (survey of 4,175 Americans).
- Herbenick et al. (2017). Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLOS ONE.
Related guides
- Swapping and opening up
Swapping partners with another couple, or opening the relationship under rules you agree on. More people have tried it than you’d guess.
- Hotwife and stag
One partner plays with others while the other watches or hears about it, with pride rather than humiliation. Often called hotwife and stag, or hothusband and vixen.
- Cuckolding
Like hotwifing, but with teasing or humiliation for the partner who watches. It’s a far more common fantasy than people admit.
Educational, not medical or legal advice. Updated 2026-11-09.